So, listen, I’m going to be all the way real here. Moving on is hard. There’s no other way to word it, sugar coat it, or say it. IT IS A STRUGGLE! When you are in a relationship with someone and love is present, letting go may seem impossible.
As mentioned before, I was married for just shy of 5 years. Like most people, when I love, I love hard, as they say. I give 150% of me and my love. I invested a lot into my marriage, so to come to terms that it was OVER?! What a task. It was a struggle! It took time, falling down and getting back up, tears, talking, praying, but most importantly it took me making a decision. I never thought I would see myself at this point. I thought my marriage would last forever and we would have children and grow together. But, there was another route to my destination.
So yes, your asking, how did you let go, forgive and move on after 5 years of being married. How can you just go on? I tell you what, it wasn’t easy but here’s what I did.
- Make a Decision. Come to terms with the fact that the marriage/relationship has ended. In doing this, you acknowledge the fact that you are newly single and have now shifted into a NEW season. This new season is one of exploration, discovery, and research; of the past, of yourself, and of the future. This time is precious and should be realized and embraced. It’s life changing to close one door and open another. Opportunity, fresh starts, new doors await you and your healing heart. Don’t limit your future by holding on to something that’s dead. Literally, let that thang die and hold on to LIFE. There’s life in God and an even BETTER life ahead!
- Understand that there is MORE! More for you, more for your life, more after THIS. A lot of times I questioned myself. What now? I’m supposed to be a wife, a mother, an example. And it’s all taken away so unexpectedly. Just know that the chance will come again, and when that chance comes it’ll be even better, even more sweet, even more joyous. Situations sometimes end, making us feel as if life is over. It’s NOT! It’s just beginning, a second chance at doing IT BETTER is a blessing. Embrace a new beginning, because a BETTER OPPORTUNTY is ON THE WAY!
- FORGIVENESS. The Bible says (every time I say that I feel like I’m on the pulpit LOL!) in Ephesians 4:31-32 that we should let go of bitterness and anger and FORGIVE EACH OTHER… that’s a paraphrase, but that’s what God says. No matter what happened in that relationship, what that ex did to you, no matter how bad it hurt, the best thing you can do for YOU is forgive. Now, don’t get it twisted. It won’t be easy to forgive or forget, but it’s a part of HEALING! When you forgive that person that HURT you, it releases them from your heart. God doesn’t want you carrying that or thinking about how to repay them for all the “amazing” things they did to you. The Bible also says in Romans 12:19, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay!” This means that whatever was done to you, God has you. Don’t waste your time being bitter and angry and harboring hate. LET IT GO! It’s one of the very first steps to your healing. FORGIVE…. And KEEP GOING!
Side story: I remember the day I decided to literally let Go and Let God. I was pissed at my ex for all he put me through. But when I said those words, I forgive you (even if he didn’t apologize), it broke me! It freed me and allowed my eyes to be opened to a new future. No more wasted energy on such foolery. Let that thing go!
- Surround yourself with “GOOD PEOPLE”. Now this point is important. Some say you find out who’s for you when you go through something… This is true! But you also solidify the circle of friends and family that YOU KNOW and have PASSED the TEST that they are truly there for you. Listen, my circle was already small, but I found out even more why some people aren’t in it. I still love those folks, but some people just are not supposed to be that close, speaking into YOUR LIFE, and helping you through this transition.
My immediate family, aka my parents and siblings… of course you know they are in the circle. If you read in my previous posts, the way I feel about them cannot be put into words, but just know I’m so thankful to God that he gave me that family because he knew what and who I would need before I was even born. That in itself is a blessing. I had a few friends, and few is the right word; they prayed for me, checked on me, came to visit, but they gave me space and time which is always important. Thankful for those friends that encouraged me to cry, to laugh, to treat myself, that made me take a break, fed me, just loved on me. Surround yourself with those folks that won’t tell your business, try to tell you what to do or how to feel, that won’t laugh at you, or become impatient with you. Surround yourself with those who love you and know you, and genuinely want the best for you. These people will help you MOVE ON more than anyone else.
These are my 4 main things! Although they may seem simple, sometimes they can be difficult to execute. In any transition in life, especially when dealing with people, your attitude determines your altitude. So, set your standards and your expectations high, don’t go away from that. You settled once (everyone has) … don’t do it again! Forgive, Get up, and MOVE ON! Let’s go!