I’m not sure there’s a specific blueprint, manual, step by step guide to do this. I mean, everyone is different and deal with hurt and devastation differently. Someone said that divorce can feel or be compared to death or losing someone. This in fact is a REAL and TRUE emotion. I can attest to that being very true. I was in mourning of a loss indeed, loss of a marriage, of my husband, of MYSELF. But as in life when people are mourned, if God is allowed in, a piece of comfort of God gives you the grace and the foundation to continue moving forward. Although hard at times, it is very possible.
One thing I had to do was GET UP! Get up, wake up, be present in every sense of those words. I had to get OFF my behind and LIVE. These could mean different to different people, but for me the first step was to open my bible, find a bible study, and go BACK to God. I read relationship devotions, and women devotionals. One specific devotion that helped me was Priscilla Shirer’s devotions. “The Armor God” And “Fervent: A Woman’s Prayer Guide”. To take time daily to focus on what’s vital to life, GOD… He brought some things to me that I didn’t realize. He allowed me to see me as he sees me and to understand how and why my divorce happened and had to occur. So… take a moment. Breathe and Give yourself, your heart, your doubts, your fears, your future BACK to God… and leave it there.
Do things that make you happy. This too is very different for everyone. I’m very simple, Food, gym, my family, and NIKE… these things make me smile. I also like crab legs, chicken wings, and pizza… LOL! I said food already. Anyway, so first thing I did was planned to begin working out again. As a fitness professional, I fell ALL THE WAY OFF… You hear me… Like fell off the wagon and kept rolling… SMH. So, this trainer joined a gym/group classes. It was hard to stick with it, but I did… I started and I’m still working. I would dedicate 1 day a week to take care of me, whether it be eating an expensive meal, get a mani/pedi, or a hair day. I made it my duty to get back to me. I had to get back to me, back to finding out what I liked again. I remember my sister saying, “Bridge, what do you like to do, you were living for him, now it’s you!” I remind myself her words often when I have to sometimes push myself to do great. Now family, this part of the puzzle was one of the biggest pieces. I cry happy tears when I think of the role the played in this. My parents, if you know them you know, if you don’t, you’d want to meet them. You are talking about the most praying, supportive, graceful, encouraging, motivating people you WILL EVER MEET. HANDS DOWN, I am truly thankful for them. My sister, man, my best friend. Talking about a motivator, hype man, encourager, a truth slayer, my ride or live…. She’s the GOAT for real… Don’t know where I’d be without her…
Be HONEST! With yourself and with others. For a while, I tried to hide the separation/divorce. It was a struggle for me to go anywhere or do anything because people would ask, where’s your husband, how is he? Every question was about us, or when we are having kids? I had to be sure within myself that I was done in order to stop lying and saying:
We are good
We are working on having a baby
All lies, when I know I haven’t even seen that man. I was scared of two things people’s reactions and them asking a bunch of questions; and the fact that I didn’t want people in my business (go figure as I’m now writing a blog). I thought that hiding it and lying would make it go away, but It didn’t it just made it harder to move forward. Until one day, I said let’s just be honest and I formulated my response and refused to answer questions. Being honest doesn’t mean divulging all your info, but it means telling your truth. Basically, we are not together and I’m going to be ok, in fact I’m great. Lying doesn’t protect you, it actual hinders your growth and stunts your recovery. Because once you lie and then go home, you think about everything all over again. There’s no finality in staying where you came from by lying. Stop faking it, be honest, and live in your truth. I had to do that for me to truly GET BACK UP!
I mean, there are many other things that I had to do to get back up again, but those were the first 3 things I had to commit to doing and complete them. It’s important to live in your truth, focus on God, and focus on you in order to learn and grow from any obstacle in your life. I know for me, in my marriage I lived for my spouse and our marriage but neglected myself. So, during this life transition I decided to become a better version of me and grow from my experiences.
Next up on the blog… Bringing the Body Back