One can only imagine how someone feels after a break up, divorce, rejection, or life changing event. I mean, in your moment of self-reflection it sometimes points at you as being at fault. This pointing the finger and blame at yourself can lead to low self-esteem and thus depression.
A little about me… I blamed myself for a while. Thinking I wasn’t good enough, I could’ve done more, I should’ve been better for him. My self-esteem had already been negatively affected by the marriage and divorce in its entirety. So, now at this place I felt like nothing; like I would never be good enough; never bounce back; never be able to be love. When I say depressed, I was depressed to the point of not wanting to go to work, eat, work out, get out the house. I sat and cried somedays about how awful of a human being that I was. This was all my fault, and I brought this all on myself. So not true!
WAKE UP! Stop blaming yourself. It happened, it’s over, and guess what the world is still revolving, and life is still continuing. So, you’re wondering how I went from low self-esteem to my current state. Let’s be real, I still struggle with self-esteem and knowing and walking in my greatness 24/7. Sometimes I doubt myself or second guess it, but I am far better than where I was. So, here’s somethings that I did that helped:
- Go to God. Like this is not a joke! I say this in almost every blog. Because depression should not be taken lightly, neither should any mental illness. It can take you to where no one wants to see you, nor you see yourself; its dark and drowning. In a world where so many others handle depression differently, giving your heart BACK to God is the best thing that you can do. Praying daily and confessing who you are is one of the main keys that have helped me. I find when I slack on spending time with God, praying, and confessing my greatness I doubt more, I worry more, I stress more, I begin to go backwards. But, we can’t go back … we have to look forward.
- Invest in yourself. This can mean getting your hair done regularly, or working out, or getting your nails done, picking up a new hobby, finding something you love to do. For me, I began working out again. I love working out because it brings great body results, but it also releases negative energy. Whenever I have a bad day or bad thoughts, put me next to a dumbbell… I’m elated! I also began to get my nails/feet done every two weeks. I started to take better care of my hair and began to actually care how I looked most days. LOL! I began to schedule resting days and time to be alone. All these investments are essential to building your self esteem and taking time to learn yourself and love on yourself.
- Learn to ignore! Ignore the thoughts, the words, even the looks from others. People will try to figure out what’s different about you, where’s your significant other, did you gain/lose weight, etc. Ignore the negative thoughts and words that may try to discourage you from moving forward and smiling. People will tell you to go back, to work it out, or to ask the Lord to fix it. Fix it Jesus! I wouldn’t be moving on if I didn’t talk to Jesus in the first place, so please ma’am/sir you go talk to Jesus and let him tell you! LOL! But seriously, if you allow it to affect you and get in your head it’ll set you back. So, don’t let it! Ignore and be confident in yourself and your future that is ahead.
- Talk! You must talk it out. Talk about what happened in your past, talk about how you feel now, and how you are looking forward to feeling. Communicate with those you love, a therapist, a friend. Communicate with those that understand and care, not just want to know your deepest darkest secrets. Do not hold your emotions, talk about how you feel and also use your words to speak to yourself. Speak good thoughts over yourself and to yourself. Tell yourself that you are Amazing, Beautiful, and Totally Worth It! Talk!
- Be expectant. Push yourself! Be expectant of a better and brighter future. Push yourself to look at the Brightside of this bumpy road. Look at the light at the end of the tunnel. Push yourself to see yourself happy, loved, valued, and cherished. Love yourself… push yourself to put you first and be expectant/pregnant with future greatness! Greatness is still awaiting you!
Self-esteem is something that can be ripped to shreds when dealing with emotions and self-worth. It takes time and effort to rebuild your self-esteem and self-worth. Be patient but be diligent in seeing yourself as God sees you: beautiful, blessed, worth it, loved, and the list goes on. Don’t let the circumstances dictate your altitude or attitude. Know that you are worth it and take those steps to ensure you NEVER forget it! No matter what life throws your way, know that YOU ARE WORTH IT! NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS!